Why He Cries

I wrote this song almost 20 years ago. It’s a bit over the top, but I think it’s still relevant in light of current world events. You can give a listen here: https://paulaevekirman.bandcamp.com/track/why-he-cries

As the dawn brings a new day
Seems like no one has something good to say
Building walls around our hearts
Where’s the love when lives are torn apart?
Shouting names we can’t repeat
To those who we think are incomplete
And then somehow the truth gets masked in lies
And He watches
And we wonder why He cries

And we speak our words of hate
And we cast our cloak of fear
And we cut our hearts with pain
As our own demise draws near
And we neatly seal our fate
And no words of love we hear
And we beat and kill and maim
As He gently sheds His tears

Flip the channel to the news
It’s enough to give anyone the blues
I can’t bear to watch this pain
All this fighting just seems so insane
They say the war has to be won
But who wins when all is said and done?
Broken dreams, broken hearts, broken lives
And He watches
And we wonder why He cries

And we speak our words of hate
And we cast our cloak of fear
And we cut our hearts with pain
As our own demise draws near
And we neatly seal our fate
And no words of love we hear
And we beat and kill and maim
As He gently sheds His tears

It’s the way we choose to live
We can choose to take or choose to give
It’s what we have to demand
Come to grips with what we don’t understand
Never say it’s not their fault
They’re just acting upon what they’ve been taught
Bloody footprints on the ground and in our lives
And He watches
And we wonder why He cries

And we speak our words of hate
And we cast our cloak of fear
And we cut our hearts with pain
As our own demise draws near
And we neatly seal our fate
And no words of love we hear
And we beat and kill and maim
As He gently sheds His tears

And we rationalize our words
And we turn our heads in shame
And we think of all we’ve hurt
And we try to spread the blame
And we struggle with our deeds
And we try to hide our fear
And we’re sowing the wrong seeds
And He gently sheds his tears

A Safe Space for Activism: Talk and Music

I was invited to be the guest speaker and performer at the Unitarian Church of Edmonton for its quarterly "Social Justice Sunday" on October 28, 2018. The topic was "A Safe Space for Activism." Below is a video of my talk and performance of four songs, as well as my notes. I ad libbed a bit in my talk as well, because I was responding to the previous speaker and adding a few things here and there as well.

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Safe Spaces and Self-Care

I come from a Jewish background. In Judaism, as some of you probably already know, there is a concept called tikkun olam, which translates to healing or repairing the world. Much of my activism is rooted in this belief.

There is a lot of talk about safe spaces in the activist community and beyond, especially now in light of the #MeToo movement. When it comes to establishing and maintaining my safe spaces, of course, the support of my family, friends, and community is important. Being able to confide, ask for advice, share experiences, and the opportunity to be accountable and hold others to account is part of having a healthy community. But like every part of society, the activist community is not immune from bullies and predators, which is why having a network of support is so important.

Having safe spaces also includes finding a place and time for self-care. Activists often get so wrapped up in organizing and attending events, that they neglect their own needs, leading to burnout and mental and/or physical health issues. Not being at the best we can be physically and mentally can make us more vulnerable. We need to be safe to say no when we are stretched, and to have the space to explore our own self-care needs.

Music is an integral part of my safe space and my self-care. Like my faith, music also was a formative part of my activism. Through my mother, I grew up listening to a steady stream of Joan Baez, Bob Dylan, Buffy Sainte-Marie, and Peter, Paul and Marie. The folk music of the 60s helped shape my political beliefs and my own musical style, when I began learning how to play the guitar and write songs as a teenager. Music is part of my activism, writing songs about social justice issues and performing at rallies and protests (and events like this).

For me, music is both a creative expression and a place of mental retreat. Putting on my headphones helps take me away from the stress of daily life, can calm anxiety, and sometimes even help me concentrate. Writing and performing music, whether in front of an audience or in the privacy of my home, also cuts through stress and helps me focus. I find that if I go more than a few days without playing music, I get very tense and feel incomplete. Then, as soon as I pick up a guitar and start singing, my sense of grounding and balance is restored. There are proven health benefits of singing, both physically and mentally (these can be researched online), and I can attest to many of them from first hand experience.

Besides being a part of my safe space, music helps me reach out to audiences with messages of peace and love and social justice. I will be sharing some of these songs with you today, and I welcome you to join me in my place of sanctuary.

Neighbourhood Festivals and Performing

I love neighbourhood celebrations. They give me a good excuse to visit other 'hoods and check out what is happening on a grassroots level: the shops, music, and foods that make the area unique. This past weekend, I was involved with two such events: Heart of the City and the Highlands Street Festival.

Heart of the City is a huge deal in McCauley and beyond. It is two days featuring music and visual artists who either live, work, volunteer, or go to school in the downtown/inner city area. All of these talented people are brought together at Giovanni Caboto Park, where free live music is performed, art is displayed, interactive art is there for all to contribute to, and workshops are held. Despite a very chilly Saturday, the brave musicians took to the stage to appreciative (although, unforunately sparse) audiences. Sunday was much warmer, and the number of people in the park reflected the sunshine.

This was my fifth time performing at Heart of the City. For the past four times, I was a part of the Song Circle, held on Saturday morning. A group of three or four musicians, usually solo artists, take to the stage at once and take turns performing their songs. This year, I got my own set, which was for 20 minutes on Sunday morning/afternoon (I started at 11:55 a.m.). It was wonderful to perform four of my songs with the always skillful Mike Tully working the sound system. I also joined another musician, Theresa Lightfoot, on stage to play percussion earlier that morning during her set. As always, I brought my juggling sticks and even had the chance to juggle with another stick juggler.

I'm also involved with Heart of the City in another capacity: I am the editor of Boyle McCauley News, the community newspaper serving the communities of Boyle Street and McCauley. The paper is also one of the festival's sponsors, and in addition to financial support, we give the festival a lot of press. It deserves it - it is one of the biggest events that takes place in the area, and brings in people from all over the city.

In the meantime that Sunday, June 5, a smaller festival was taking place in the north Edmonton neighbourhood of Highlands. The Highlands Street Festival is an annual outdoor market featuring local merchants, food, music, and a kids' area. I had never been to the event before, although I am familiar with the historic buildings and businesses in the area. Anyways, that morning I saw a tweet from local blues singer Paula Perro, who was supposed to be performing with a few band members on the main stage, which was located in the alley behind Mandolin Books. A few of her band members had to bow out, and she was looking for a replacement.

As coincidence would have it, Paula was the MC for the morning/early afternoon at Heart of the City. She encouraged me to head to Highlands that afternoon, find the sound guy, and offer to play. So I did. Paula's band woes were worked out and she was able to make her set, but I ended up playing for a half hour before she took the stage, as there was a gap in the program. I also managed to take a look around at the vendors and other festival goings-on. It was small, but quaint, and I enjoyed being there.

Here is my photo set from Heart of the City and from the Highlands Street Festival. As well, I put together two video compilations from Heart of the City, from day one and day two.

I will be posting videos from my performances at both events on my music YouTube channel in the near future.

Edmonton Anarchist Book Fair 2010

I attended the Edmonton Anarchist Book Fair during the Thanksgiving weekend in October. The EABF features speakers, workshops, and lots of info tables on a variety of topics from worker's rights to women's issues to ways of reorganizing society to be more equal and just. I don't always agree with everything presented, but I find all of these different perspectives thought-provoking.

As I have been doing for the past few years, I provided some musical background to the event. This year, the EABF took place in the Old Strathcona Performing Arts Society. The venue has an excellent stage and acoustics, but what made the gig even sweeter was teaming up with fellow activist musician Paul Folk to perform original and traditional folk and blues songs. Considering we never played together before nor rehearsed, the unity of our playing was incredible.

Here are some photos.

Guitars, Bikes, Vegetarianism, and Me

I am going to refer to Saturday, June 19, as my Edmonton Mini-Tour. My afternoon started off at the Bikeology Festival in Beaver Hills House Park. Bikeology is an annual event that takes place during June (which is Bike Month) and features an equipment swap, cookies baked my solar power, smoothies created by the energy of riding a stationary bicycle, information tables from various organizations, and live music. I was the first act up, and played a five-song set that was solar-powered. I have attended the festival for several years now, but this was my first time performing there. The irony was that I could not ride my bike with guitar in tow, but I had a great time. Here are some photos and the video playlist from my set.

After I left Bikeology, I took a quick stroll through the City Centre farmer's market and also checked out some of the activities for Park(ed). 102 Avenue was shut down to cars for the day. It was great being able to walk right on the street and see the chalk art, spin class, games (I got hit by a water balloon!), and other such fun and frivolity. You can see some pictures in the same set as Bikeology.

Just slightly more than two hours after my Bikeology gig, I was on stage at the new location of Padmanadi for the grand opening of their second location. The place was packed full of people enjoying the delicious vegan buffet, which I also partook of after my set. The restaurant is located at 10740-101 Street and I recommend it for anyone who enjoys fine vegetarian cuisine. Here are some photos and the video playlist.

Heart of the City 2010

The Heart of the City Music Festival took place on June 5 and 6. Expanded into a two-day festival, the free event in Giovanni Caboto Park featured non-stop live music, free art workshops, hula hoop demonstrations, an interactive art project (painting the letters making up the words "Heart of the City"), art and craft vendors, and more. This event is huge for the inner city, as it causes people from all over the city to visit the McCauley neighbourhood and come away with a more positive feeling about the area.

Here are some photos from day one and day two of the festival.

This was my fourth Heart of the City as a musician. Once again, I was part of the song circle. This is a video of me performing my song "The One Thing" and another of "Summer," a song about homelessness that was inspired by my work in the inner city.

I also filmed a number of the other acts. Here is the Playlist for Heart of the City 2010 on Boyle McCauley News' YouTube channel.

Emergency Rally for the Gaza Freedom Flotilla

This week, cities around the world held emergency rallies concerning the Israeli attack on the Gaza Freedom Flotilla which has left around 20 activists dead and many more injured. Much of the outrage is directed at the fact that the flotilla was in international waters and was attempting to break through the siege on Gaza to deliver humanitarian aid in the form of food, medicine, and construction supplies.

There was a rally in Edmonton on June 1 at the Alberta Legislature. Around 500 people showed up. I sang two songs I wrote especially about the crisis in Israel and Palestine. Here is my photo set on Flickr. To watch footage from the rally, here is the playlist on YouTube.

Expressions of Hunger

What is hunger? Expressions of Hunger is an exhibit organized by Edmonton's Food Bank that seeks to start discussions on that very topic. Earlier in the year, creative people in Edmonton were invited to submit poetry and photographs depicting what hunger means to them in five categories: emotional, physical, mental, environmental, and physical. Entries were posted on the Food Bank's website, and the public voted for the top three entries in each category.

Expressions of Hunger was launched at City Hall on June 1. I was privileged to have four photographs and one poem included in the exhibit. The media launch included speakers from the Food Bank, Mayor Mandel presenting a proclamation for National Hunger Awareness Week (which kicked off also on June 1), and a delicious lunch provided by Denny's. I was also honoured by being asked to sing "Summer," a song I wrote about homelessness which won in the Emotional - Poetry category to get things started.

For me, homelessness and other issues surrounding poverty go hand in hand with the concept of hunger. I work in the inner city and "Summer" was inspired by people I have met, things I have seen, stories I have learned. The character in the song is fictional, but her story has become universal for too many people. Several of my photographs were also taken in the inner city area and deal with similar themes. Hunger, in many of these cases, means more than just needing food to eat. These people hunger for all of the basic necessities of life, from shelter to appropriate clothing to medical attention. Finally, and perhaps most importantly, there is also the hunger to be accepted - a hunger to make eye contact with others, to say hello, to be acknowledged as being human.

Another major aspect of "Expressions of Hunger" for me is the merging of art and activism. To raise awareness of a social issue using art as the method is a powerful way to get a message across.

Here is my photo set from the event. John also took some really spectacular photos. To watch the media launch, here is the playlist on YouTube.

Expressions of Hunger will be shown at The Carrot Community Arts Coffeehouse (9351 118 Avenue) from June 7-23 and at the Nina Haggerty Centre for the Arts (9225 118 Avenue) during the Works Festival of Art and Design from June 25-July 7.

A Weekend of Giving: Shine Youth Clinic & Homeless Connect

I had another busy weekend. On Saturday, I gave two hours of my time performing with Music is a Weapon as part of the organization's Busk for a Cause. The cause this time around was the Shine Youth Clinic. The clinic operates on Saturdays out of the Boyle McCauley Health Centre and provides services free of charge to underserved youth up to the age of 25. On the corner of 104 street and Whyte Avenue I belted out some songs and even did a little bit of juggling. This was my first time busking and I have a lot more respect now for people who do this for a living. Over $1000 was raised for the clinic! Since I was busy performing, I was not able to take photos. Good thing that @sirthinks showed up and took some shots.

The first ever Edmonton Media Camp was also held on Saturday. It was an "un-conference" bringing together people from the worlds of traditional and new media, including journalists, PR people, and bloggers/social media folks. I was only able to make it to the last few discussion sessions, but it was great seeing some old friends and finally meeting a few people in person from Twitter and Facebook. Here are a few pictures I managed to grab.

Sunday was Mother's Day, but it was also Edmonton's fourth Homeless Connect event. Homeless Connect is held at the Shaw Conference Centre and brings free services, support, and supplies to people experiencing or at risk of homelessness. A lot of volunteer power goes into making the event happen, and although I was not able to volunteer on the day of, I did help with some preparations beforehand like sorting coats and supplies for the care packages given to all of the guests who attended. More than 1200 guests visited the event and I was able to come down to the Shaw for a while to take some pictures. There is going to be another Homeless Connect event this October - please consider volunteering.

MEC Protest/More Music/Muttart

The final event of Edmonton's second annual Israeli Apartheid Week took place last Saturday with an information picket outside of Mountain Equipment Co-op concerning the company's sourcing of goods from Israel. This is a very controversial topic as MEC has an ethical sourcing policy and is a popular retail outlet amongst activists. Here are some photos and a video explaining the views of the protesters, as well as the company's (written) response.

I keep forgetting to blog that I performed a few songs last month during the University of Alberta's International Week. Each noon hour in the Student's Union Building featured song and dance from around the world. My set consisted of a few songs from Argentina in both English and Spanish by the renowned singer/songwriter León Gieco: "The Land of Freedom/En El Pais de la Libertad", "Tema De Los Mosquitos", and "Solo Le Pido a Dios". As well, I also sang "Walls," a song that I wrote about the situation in Israel/Palestine.

Finally, in non-activism/journalism related news, I took a quick trip to the Muttart Conservatory last week to do some photography. I focused on taking as many close-ups of flowers and plants as possible. Have a look.

Memorial March of Edmonton

Valentine's Day wasn't a commercialized holiday for those of us attending the fifth annual Memorial March for all the Missing and Murdered Women on February 14. It was a day to show our love to all those women of Edmonton who have been taken from us - women from all cultures and walks of life. Women whose deaths are not always properly investigated or are written off by society because the woman lived a particular lifestyle.

I was honoured to be asked by the organizer to sing the opening song and was presented with an offering of tobacco (an Aboriginal custom to show respect towards someone) before I sang. I chose my song "Summer" because it is about a woman who becomes homeless. Women who are living in poverty are at a higher risk of becoming exploited or the victims of violent crime, as I explained before I sang. Here is a video of my performance, and a short video from the march. As well, here is my photo set from the event.

December 6, 20 Years Later

December 6, 2009 marks the 20th anniversary of what has come to be known as the Montreal Massacre - the day a lone gunman walked into a classroom in L'Ecole Polytechnique and shot to death 14 women. I was a teenager when this tragic event occurred, and being a young woman heading to university, it made an indelible mark on my life. A few years later, I was at a December 6 memorial service held on my local campus, and wrote this song shortly thereafter. To hear the song, you can visit my MySpace page, and scroll down in the music player - it is the fifth song.

Today I Lit A Candle

Today I lit a candle
When I was caught in the middle
Of a service marking fourteen memories;
Most of us were crying,
Some of us were sighing
At the horror of such a tragedy;

And then the preacher sang a lesson
That was a sad confession
To the longing left within our lonely hearts;
He sang about forgiveness,
And let us all bear witness
To the changes that we would have to start.

It was a song of hope and sorrow,
A testament to follow such a crime,
Our voices joined together in the chorus;
We were all joined in spirit for that time,
We were all joined in spirit for that time.

The candle’s flame it flickered
When I blew on the wick, but it
Could not be extinguished by my breath;
Even though I would be leaving,
I could not end my grieving
Or the memories that still live on in death;

And I remembered the weeping,
The sounds that are still creeping,
When I lay down to go to sleep at night;
She stood right there beside me,
Barely conscious of me,
Singing, knowing that we had the right.

She sang a song of hope and sorrow,
A testament to follow such a crime,
And our voices joined together in the chorus;
We were all joined in spirit for that time,
We were all joined in spirit for that time.

Today I lit a candle
When I was caught in the middle
Of a service marking fourteen memories;
I barely held back my tears,
But still I could not see clear
Why so many lives had changed eternally;

And then the preacher sang a lesson,
Oh, it was a sad confession
To the longing left within our lonely hearts;
He sang about forgiveness,
And he let us all bear witness
To a brand new life that we would have to start.

It was a song of hope and sorrow,
A testament to follow such a crime,
Our voices joined together in the chorus;
We were all joined in spirit for that time,

We sang a song a hope and sorrow,
A testament to follow such a crime,
Our voices joined together in the chorus,
We were all joined in spirit for that time,
We were all joined in spirit for that time.

We were all joined in spirit for that time,
We were all joined in spirit for that time.

A Civilian Weekend

I ran into a friend of mine outside the Commercial on Saturday. Camera in hand, I was strolling the avenue checking out the Art Walk (link leads to my photo set). He said he had never seen me before as a "civilian" and could even sense a different aura around me. That got me to thinking, that I spent the weekend pretty much apart from activist goings on, at least in public.

My weekend pretty much started on Friday, when I headed to Fort Edmonton for the third time this summer. On this visit, the train was not working (first time I ever remember that happening) but I checked out a few buildings I have not been in for quite some time, such as St. Anthony's Church and School and the Masonic Hall (the top part, not the food concession). Here is my ever-growing photo set.

Earlier last week I went to the Alberta Aviation Museum for the first time ever. I don't know how many times I have passed the museum, since it is not far from McCauley where I work. This has to be one of the most overlooked attractions in the city. I was blown away by the number of full-sized aircrafts, numerous cabinet displays, and other nooks and crannies filled with airplane and military memorabilia - although I have to admit the Third Reich stuff sort of creeped me out. You can even go into the area where they restore the aircrafts. I was literally blown away when I went outside to look at a few of the aircrafts too large to fit inside the museum (it was a very windy day), including a full-sized Boeing 747. Check out my photo set here.

On Sunday I briefly passed through the final afternoon of the Street Performers, then walked to Little Italy for a celebration of the young soccer players in the community. After that I enjoyed a potluck supper with a friend and his family. Good times all around.

It wasn't good times when the heavy rains last week resulted in my office flooding. Fortunately, I happened to be down there at the time and everything was able to be moved before it got damaged. I had the opportunity to go through a few boxes of archival materials, and am going to try to have to hook up one of my old zip disk readers to see what is on a bunch of old disks I found.

Speaking of discoveries, I have finally started to tackle the last ten year's or so worth of spring cleaning. I have found old diaries, journals, and notebooks containing early attempts at poetry and songs. I have found books, photos, toys - all kinds of junk and treasure. In particular, I went through some old sketchbooks of mine and scanned some of the better stuff. I posted it at my online portfolio at DeviantArt.

The "Lights Down, Stars Up" photo exhibit at City Hall may be over, but a slideshow of the photos in the exhibit is online here.

Finally, two of my songs are now available for download on iTunes: "Walls" and "Falling." "Walls" is a song I often sing at peace rallies, while "Falling" is a very early song I wrote about life. Both downloads are 99 cents and can be found by searching on my last name. For some reason, when you use my full name "Walls" does not appear in the search results.

A Huge Weekend in the Heart of the City

One of the first festivals of the season took place this past Sunday. Heart of the City is a family-oriented music and art festival that has been going strong six years running. On Sunday, June 7, Giovanni Caboto Park was transformed into a place of non-stop local music, art displays, food, face painting, and wellness. In order to take part in the festival, musicians have to live, work, or volunteer in the inner city. I performed as part of the Song Circle for the third year running. The wonderful Mary Rankin hosted the circle again, and we were joined by a newcomer to the festival, Theresa Lightfoot.

We took turns playing original songs, and when one of us was performing the other two of us accompanied on percussion. I also did my stick juggling thing during the drum circle. Other wonderful acts included Painting With Ella (I cannot believe these girls are only in their mid-teens!), People's Poets, Steven Johnson and his slapping 12-string, Locution Revolution, Brothers Grim, and so many more. Here are some photos from the event. For videos, check out the YouTube channel for Boyle McCauley News. And, as for me, here we go:







The reason Heart of the City was on a Sunday this year was so as not to conflict with the McCauley Community Clean Up, also a major event in that area. Dozens of volunteers drove through the neighbourhood, collected garbage, unloaded, filled large bins, helped direct traffic, answer questions, and otherwise make sure the event went smoothly. Here are some photos.

Also taking place downtown over the weekend was the largest stret hockey tournament in the world. More than 300 teams competed as the area around Churchill Square was turned into a series of small rinks. All ages and skill levels were presented. Here are the photos.

I was so tired on Monday, I could barely stand for lengthy periods of time! However, on Tuesday I was ready to get energized by a quick trip back to Fort Edmonton. Since I have a pass, I may as well make use of it! As a result, my photo set for Fort Edmonton is expanding.

Walls

I wrote this song last year during Israel's previous siege on Gaza. It is about being Jewish and starting to critically examine what is going on in the Middle East. I had a choice to make, and I chose the side of peace. But not without a cost.



Walls

Been going through my mind, lately a lot
Have many questions about what I’ve been taught
Nothing’s as clear as it used to seem
As I stand idly by while humanity screams

I can’t sit on the fence anymore
When I have to choose between peace and war
And object to oppression where it arises
No matter what else it is disguised as

Something has to be done
Don’t know where to begin
Walls are meant to frame houses
Not trap people in

I’ve been told I should be ashamed,
I answer, “don’t do this in my name.”
I will acknowledge we’re of the same tribe
But in this case, I must step aside

I can’t sit on the fence anymore
When I have to choose between peace and war
And object to oppression where it arises
No matter what else it is disguised as

Something has to be done
Don’t know where to begin
Walls are meant to frame houses
Not trap people in

I cry for the children, the women, the men
Who face the same hardships again and again
Generations spent under a regime
Where freedom exists only in a dream

I can’t sit on the fence anymore
When I have to choose between peace and war
And object to oppression where it arises
No matter what else it is disguised as

Something has to be done
Don’t know where to begin
Walls are meant to frame houses
Not trap people in

We share the same blood
So I can’t understand
Why we have to keep killing
Over a piece of land
(We’re the sons and the daughters of Abraham)

I can’t sit on the fence anymore
When I have to choose between peace and war
And object to oppression where it arises
No matter what else it is disguised as

Something has to be done
Don’t know where to begin
Walls are meant to frame houses
Not trap people in

Not trap people in
Not trap people in
And it’s time to begin


© 2008 Paula E. Kirman