Thursday, July 02, 2009

Moving On When the Relationship is Gone

Back in 2004-ish I wrote a series of articles for a start-up website called The site was intended to bring together a number of relationship "experts" to discuss aspects of, well, relationships. Amidst the psychologists and therapists there was I, talking about being single, dating, and breaking up from a young woman's point of view. My work got a pretty positive reaction even if the website did not reach the heights its team aspired towards. The site, after years of inactivity, has since gone offline and as a result so have my articles. In an effort to keep them online I am going to be reposting them here. After all, this did start off as a blog about singles' issues. Just bear in mind that these articles are a few years old and as such may not reflect some current situations in society, the online world, and my life.

This is an outline of a seminar I gave over the phone concerning moving on after a breakup. It was a timely topic for me, as I had just gone through a major breakup myself. Following the main presentation, I answered questions from the callers.

Moving On When the Relationship is Gone
Seminar Outline

  • introduce myself
  • seminar purpose
  • with the exception of people who meet and marry their first significant others, all of us will experience break-ups

    Part One: When It’s Over
  • knowing when to end a relationship
  • how to end it
  • knowing when to let go when the other person ends it

    Part Two: Stages of Emotions
  • losing a relationship can be like a death (stages of grief)
  • stages:
    1) shock
    2) bargaining
    3) anger
    4) acceptance
    5) resolution (forgiveness)
  • stages more intense when you did not want the relationship to end, but differ for everyone

    Part Three: Dealing With It
    How to prepare to pick up the pieces
    Surround yourself with people:
  • friends/family
  • church/faith
  • activities you enjoy
  • don’t: overindulge (eating, drinking, spending, etc.)
  • For some, this may mean having to find a new place to live.
  • Some may decide to relocate, but this is extreme

    Part Four: Moving On
  • Get back into circulation
    - take part in singles’ activities
    - place personal ads
    Even if you’re not ready to get serious, symbolically you are accepting the fact that you’re moving on

    Part Five: The Ex Files
  • Deciding whether or not you can be friends
  • Handling seeing the person in work or social situations
  • Beware of unresolved emotions: motive for hanging on
  • Some situations it is absolutely necessary to get along (if you have children)

  • better to be alone than with the wrong person
  • all just stepping stones on the way to finding the right one
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