Moving On When the Relationship is Gone

Back in 2004-ish I wrote a series of articles for a start-up website called RelationshipWellBeing.com. The site was intended to bring together a number of relationship "experts" to discuss aspects of, well, relationships. Amidst the psychologists and therapists there was I, talking about being single, dating, and breaking up from a young woman's point of view. My work got a pretty positive reaction even if the website did not reach the heights its team aspired towards. The site, after years of inactivity, has since gone offline and as a result so have my articles. In an effort to keep them online I am going to be reposting them here. After all, this did start off as a blog about singles' issues. Just bear in mind that these articles are a few years old and as such may not reflect some current situations in society, the online world, and my life.

This is an outline of a seminar I gave over the phone concerning moving on after a breakup. It was a timely topic for me, as I had just gone through a major breakup myself. Following the main presentation, I answered questions from the callers.

---

Moving On When the Relationship is Gone
Seminar Outline

Introduction

introduce myself

seminar purpose

with the exception of people who meet and marry their first significant others, all of us will experience break-ups

Part One: When It’s Over

knowing when to end a relationship

how to end it

knowing when to let go when the other person ends it

Part Two: Stages of Emotions

losing a relationship can be like a death (stages of grief)

stages:
1) shock
2) bargaining
3) anger
4) acceptance
5) resolution (forgiveness)

stages more intense when you did not want the relationship to end, but differ for everyone

Part Three: Dealing With It
How to prepare to pick up the pieces
Surround yourself with people:

friends/family

church/faith

activities you enjoy

don’t: overindulge (eating, drinking, spending, etc.)

For some, this may mean having to find a new place to live.

Some may decide to relocate, but this is extreme

Part Four: Moving On

Get back into circulation
- take part in singles’ activities
- place personal ads
Even if you’re not ready to get serious, symbolically you are accepting the fact that you’re moving on

Part Five: The Ex Files

Deciding whether or not you can be friends

Handling seeing the person in work or social situations

Beware of unresolved emotions: motive for hanging on

Some situations it is absolutely necessary to get along (if you have children)

Conclusion

better to be alone than with the wrong person

all just stepping stones on the way to finding the right one