Sunday, December 23, 2007

Shabbat, Yesterday. Joy and Pain.

Yesterday was a very full day. It started off with me over-sleeping -- totally accidentally, of course. I've been so wiped with my daily activities that I now find it more difficult to arise at 7:30 on a Saturday morning than I did years ago. So I rushed around to get everything together, and when I got to the church, realized I forgot my guitar tuner. Tuning to the piano was not difficult, except for the fact that piano tends to always be slightly out of tune. I was also the only instrumentalist, as our usual worship leader was out of town, another was home resting, and the person who was schedule to lead is out indefinitely with a wrist injury (please pray for him -- he is in a lot of pain and this affects his livelihood).

This was the first service in a long time that I was actually able to sit through from start to finish, since I did not have any other events or commitments to which I had to attend. Afterwards, a group of us went out for lunch -- something else I have not been able to do in ages since I tend to take off early.

After lunch, I went to a nearby church which had an extensive display of Nativity scenes from around the world, and made in different mediums (one of my favourites was the one made out of a Mechano set. I recently got a new cell phone and my wall paper is a wood carving from Israel, a piece of modern art representing Joeseph and Mary holding baby Yeshua.

I left the church around 4, and walked down Candy Cane Lane, not fully dark or lit up yet. Actually, the longer I walked the darker it got. I was the only one on the street, and it was a necessary solitary experience. I needed the alone time. This time of year is proving to be harder for me than I expected. Not just because most of my friends are either away or busy. Not just because I feel left out, having to stay home while everyone else is out having fun on december 25. But mostly because I think back to the friend I lost back in March, and how this time of year was so important to him, and how he would be enjoying things, and how he can't and won't again. I rarely cry in public, but right before worship yesterday morning, I literally had tears rolling down my face.

When we are single, our friends sometimes become like our family. I lost a family member this past year. It hurts.

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